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OK!!! Just to start things off here's an extract from a messenger chat I just had with Kef...

K3F Resident DJ says:
you know what's worse than a shockwhore?

-=[ZZ]=-||Angst says:
2 shockwhores?

K3F Resident DJ says:
NOTHING M8, NOTHING IS WORSE!!!

-=[ZZ]=-||Angst says:
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

And an email from a new clan member Omega...

Oh and I had a nice time reading your rants on shockwhores on the site, it was funny and true.
The shock has been helped with broadband. Just last night after you left i went on a server where everybody
had shockrifles...too many balls and beams for me to handle.
CYA LATER :)


...OKI-FUCKIN'-DOKI...
I've just played another shockwhore and I've been meaning to write this article for a while so here goes...

I started playing UT many years ago on 56k and back then, because of lag and bad ping, the shock and sniper rifles were as hard to use as any other weapon. Maybe a bit harder in some ways but their extra power balanced that. Ok...then I had a couple of years when I didn't play and guess what came along?...Broadband. And man, hasn't it changed things? People who didn't even have pubes (leave alone UT skills) back then in those glorious laggy days have now matured into shocktwats and sniperwankers in this ADSL age with no idea about what it was like before their testicles dropped. I'm UK...and the fucking UK is so behind the rest of the world that I ended up playing so much UT (fair enough...I admit, I'm an addict) before Broadband became available that I still play a game of habit that reeks of 56k. Everyone remember BT refusing to let their servers open for other companies?...and getting done for it? Yeah...thanks BT....(ahem...who said 'Monopolies Commision'?) So...old habits die hard, but then my temper's never gonna go away either.
And nothing infuriates me more than the whining noise that the fucking shockrifle makes.

These retard pricks don't seem to realise that the weapon has now become so much more than the player who wields it.

I used to be in the top 30 players virtually every week on ngworldstats and back then duked it out with the best users of rockets, flak, minigun, shock OR sniper rifle. I don't have to big myself up...people know who I am and know I'm no noob but let me tell ya...I have one helluva time now against just an average player who's only a little above average with the shock rifle. Especially as I use a joystick and can't double-tap/dodge. Back in the day I would've GODLIKED THE RETARD. The fucking combo blocks an entire doorway width-ways and from floor to ceiling. So come on, tell me how to get through the doorway?...that's right, you fucking can't. Only two other weapons can do that, the rockets which take longer to charge up to max for full effect (and of course you run out of them quicker therefore) or the fucking redeemer!

You're on one side of the doorway...I'm on the other...you've got the shockrifle...so...(guess what?)...yep, I'm fucked.

The bastard thing even comes through the doorway and spreads out even wider! HAHAHA what a farce. It is of course also faster than the rockets and redeemer. Jesus...yawnnnnnnnnnnn. Every-so-often however I do see an amazing player who uses the shock 'on-the-move' and still 'combo-ing', sometimes even doing 'double-combos'. Maximum respekt for your skills but again, back to what I said earlier...could you do that with 350 ping on a 56k modem? A while back I was watching a guy called Pirgo play (another extremely solid player from way back who's still about is don)...he impressed me for all-round accuracy, weapons usage and mobility around the map. We were on a Deck16 server (fuck I hate Deck, aint anyone bored of it? This game should be re-named Deck Tournament) and at the end of the game I bigged him up. Being the gentleman he is he mentioned that a player (I forget the name sorry) who had joined halfway through the game was better than him. So, intrigued, I specced this player in the next game of Deck and they won. After about 5 minutes in though, I said, 'Sorry mate, I don't agree, you're much better'. If I'd taken the shock and sniper away from the game this player would've been fucked. Pirgo had been taking a break and joined in again on the next round and went on to win as I thought he would. And he doesn't rely on any weapon in particular...he's simply very very good at UT. Whereas the other player was only good at UT because they've become adept at using the shockrifle which gives them powers they're not capable of having without it.

And anyone who doesn't agree with what I've said is quite simply a twat...or even worse, a piss-drinking shock-whore.

Now I bet you're sitting there thinking "Well, if you used to be in the top thirty of ngworldstats every week and you're saying how good this Pirgo is...then he must be able to deal with shock-usage...so why can't you if you're as good as you say you are?" If so you're missing my point. A couple of clanmembers live in the same town as me and they're round my house nearly every day...I introduced them to UT and they've already watched me play hundreds of games. When I'm playing well I usually win and usually with the least deaths too...I'll certainly place in the top 3 without too much effort. But my friends will happily testify that out of the amount of times I do get killed in a game the vast...VAST!!! majority are by the shockrifle. FACT. And it doesn't have to be any player in particular necessarily who kills me...it can be one of several shock-users in a server...but let me tell you...when I do get killed it's nearly always the shock and the amount of armour and health I have don't matter. It's like being hit by the fucking redeemer. Every 30 seconds. By every low-ping noob about.

Shooting back is even fucking tricky because of the bloody great blue ball whining it's fucking way towards your face.

Anyway, as I said...I had a couple of years where I didnt play much UT...times have changed and the youth of today are probably attracted by glossy gimmicky glitzy-looking games of latest-release...there are less new players finding UT'99 and many existing ones have moved on or grown out of it. There are less 'Classic' servers out there with any quantity of players on them. And new technology has enabled players to exploit what was once an extremely well-balanced game. And I'm pissed off. And so is Keph. But we'll never sell out and become false whores. NEVER EVER EVER. NOT FUCKING EVER.

Because here at -=[ZZ]=-, UT'99 in an old-skool-style is never going to die, though we fucking wish shock users would.

PRICKS

Yo...see this picture of me...yup, I'm actually falling asleep...
was playing a shock-whore at the time.